Tough Sh*t

To have a great life, you get to do tough shit. It is a privilege, even if painful.

Think of all the moms out there. Raising kids is one of the most rewarding yet emotional journeys. It has its ups and downs, joys and pains, and responsibilities and consequences.

If you have a vision and are willing to do something of consequence, there will be consequences. There will be work, struggle, celebrations, lessons, wins, and plenty more.

All of it requires energy.

In business, doing something extraordinary means that you may face resentment and hate. There may be people who want what you have and try to manipulate you, take from you, or take credit for you.

It is still worth it. It is how we grow. It is how we learn.

To build something special, you must know what you want, ask for it, and be willing to hear “no” from time to time. Often, people don’t ask for what they want due to the fear of hearing “no.” They take “no” too personally. If you always worry about what others think, it can sabotage your success. You are worth it, and a “no” doesn’t define you if you stay committed.

Who you listen to matters, and listening to the right people is instrumental. But make sure you also listen to yourself and your intuition.

Feedback is critical for any movement or great leader. Without feedback, we have blind spots and limit our results. Some of the feedback comes from mentors and coaches, clients, and our team. We can adjust along the way if we are willing to be real, if we are willing to receive, and if we commit to learning.

If you take feedback personally, if you allow it to diminish your confidence instead of guiding your direction, you lose. However, not all feedback is relevant and valuable.

I remember speaking at an event in Miami, when I finished, someone in the crowd approached me and asked, “Can I give you some feedback?”

“No thanks,” I said. “I appreciate the offer, but I have a coach who gives me feedback.”

“Are you sure?” he replied.

I told him to tell my team the feedback as I went to sign books.

Turns out he was a speaking coach.

He thought my 40-minute presentation should have a group exercise. Most of the crowd engaged in our services in an unprecedented way, thanks to a friend, Jonathan Sprinkles, another speaker who vouched for me from the crowd and motivated people to engage in our work.

I simply didn’t have the time to do a group exercise, and the results of people paying us far exceeded one person’s opinion, who wanted to sell me his coaching services.

In comedy, I get immediate feedback. After a show, one of my friends asked me if I wanted feedback. I informed him that comedy has the most instantaneous feedback of anything I do… but appreciated the offer.

Yet, when there are only “yes” people around us, we limit our value. If the only feedback we get is from people who want us to be happy or feel their job is reliant on boosting our confidence, we lose touch with reality. If those people are worried about hurting our feelings, they may not tell the truth. And without truth, progress is stalled.

What are you holding on to? Where are you unexpressed? Do you people-please? If you hold onto thoughts and trap emotions rather than being real, you limit your energy. You carry a burden. There is a cost.

It can be challenging to give feedback. I’ve had people ask for my opinion on things, only to see they simply wanted validation quickly. It depends on the person and how far along the process is. It is like the saying: it is hard to tell someone their baby is ugly.

And don’t confuse criticism with feedback. Critics may be fueled by jealousy as they judge from the cheap seats.

Feedback comes in many forms.

Doing is one of the best feedback loops around. Test. Act. Learn. Adjust.

This is how we learn.

I have recently discovered the impact of holding back, not telling people how I feel, or ignoring bad behavior, essentially playing pretend.

Tough conversations are required. It is difficult to be real, vulnerable, and a leader.

Hiring. Firing.

Family dynamics.

Difficult conversations are easy to procrastinate, but we carry a heavier burden that way. We sacrifice life.

It can feel risky to be honest with others. It can feel the same way, being honest with ourselves. Honesty can outline the actual work and results required. Overcoming fear by taking action and taking responsibility allows for progress. Addressing situations, people, and fears is freeing. It builds the muscle of connection; it creates more power and produces more prosperity.

Sometimes I start by writing everything down. Then, make the call or set the meeting. It can be uncomfortable, but it is the road to freedom, to progress. If it goes unresolved, I write a letter, stating how I feel, and setting a conversation of possible ways to move forward or move on. Again, it is tough.

But the longer we wait, the harder the circumstances become. The more worry wrecks our life. The more we tolerate, and the more it robs us of peace of mind and/or confidence.

Your willingness to have these conversations directly relates to your ability to create a great life. Maybe you work with someone who was a fit for a time or season, but no longer serves your vision. Maybe you don’t like how someone treats you; if you allow it, you train them to keep treating you that way.

Relationships are dynamic. People have stories, beliefs, emotions, and circumstances that can impact your interaction. You can come from love. You can choose love. But just like parenting, there are times love comes with boundaries, consequences, and training.

What would love do?

That is an easy question when you feel abundant, when everything is in flow, and you feel that it is going your way.

What would love do?

This can be harder when you feel wronged, when things are not going according to plan. Don’t get busier, be responsible. Have the hard conversation. Do the hard work of communication and conversations that lead to resolution.

This can be family, friends, employees, spouse, kids… anyone where you are unexpressed. Playing pretend. You know it is time if it occupies your mind. Or if you are in a loop of the same thoughts and complaints.

It is time to grow. To come from love but know your boundaries. Stand up for yourself and your value.