I had a plan.
Fly to Austin.
Drive to College Station.
Football on Saturday.
A full family retreat on Sunday.
Campus tour on Monday.
Then life reminded me that people come before plans.
At the airport our youngest was clearly stressed with school, work, and even friendships.
So, we called an audible. We told him he mattered more than the money we allocated, or more than a trip. Before we made it to the TSA agent and gave our IDs, we went home, repacked, and headed to our family cabin.
We took it easy that Saturday. We watched a couple episodes of The Office. Walked the river path under a quilt of autumn leaves. Sat around. Ate. Breathed. Laughed.
That cabin carries years of good memories, a roundtable where we can talk without interruption, and a view that slows the mind.
We slept in on Sunday, cleaned the gutters, swept the leaves off the porch, winterized the place, and then sat down to advance our family legacy.
Not the legalese or tax strategy—the human part.
The values, stories, rules, frameworks, and support that say to our kids: you are our greatest assets, not a stock or a bond. We will invest in you. We will support you. You are worth it, you are worthy, YOU ARE VALUED and valuable. You are loved.
We have simplified the financial hoops most people are forced to jump through. You will have access to money at preferred rates if you show and take responsibility. You have resources, and you will still be required to be resourceful. You must have skin in the game.
This was the message to our kids. It lightened their burden, gave them hope, and let them know we care.
Below you will find highlights from our Gunderson Family Constitution and the exact Letter of Wishes we created with our kids. We shared what we wanted and had worked on and got their opinion and input as well. I wrote this with them.
I am also giving you the agenda we used, plus questions and checklists you can borrow for your own retreat. Use anything that resonates.
Progress over perfection is the rule. Done is better than perfect. This is a work in progress.
People support what they help build. This is how you make legacy accessible.
A Family Constitution turns an estate plan into a legacy. It is formed from your values, in your words, and outlines your why. It can establish frameworks, ideas, philosophies, and leave signposts to support your heirs.
They don’t have to make all the same mistakes, they can learn from your life, from your legacy.
A will can distribute money. A trust can avoid probate and maintain privacy. Those matter, but they are only part of a lasting legacy.
The Constitution is the preamble to the trust, the philosophy and practical standards that keep wealth coordinated, meaningful, and empowering.
The Family Legacy Rings
In my book What Would the Rockefellers Do?, I detail the “Rockefeller Method” for perpetuating generational wealth.
The Rockefeller Method is at the center of what I call the ‘Family Legacy Rings,’ which are:
- Family Office
- Family Retreat
- Family Constitution
Family Office
The Rockefellers had an office of financial professionals—attorneys, accountants, investment advisors, risk managers, etc.—working solely for their family.
This is a financial team that coordinates, communicates, and provides comprehensive financial services for your family as well as others.
It would require $300 million or more in net worth to justify such a dedicated team. Thankfully, you can use a fractional or virtual Family Office.
It’s critical that every member of your Family Office shares the same philosophy and works on your behalf.
Family Retreat
Building intimate, trusting relationships within your family requires intention, structure, conversation, and living by example.
Having regular meetings with agendas, identifying family rules, and creating a structure and rituals are all essential to the perpetuation of non‑monetary aspects of legacy.
Recurring meetings and retreats allow for a transfer of philosophy and further creation of family traditions, rituals, and insights so that these critical factors can truly come to live in the hearts and minds of your heirs, rather than only on legal documents or solely in your mind.
The meetings, rituals, and traditions create space and time for development, buy‑in (people support that which they help to build), and refinement of what your family stands for.
Family Constitution
The United States Constitution is the oldest active codified constitution in the world. Its 4,543 words have played a crucial role in limiting government and creating freedom.
Your carefully crafted Family Constitution—the preamble to your trust—is designed to do the same for you and your heirs.
The purpose of the US Constitution is to protect (not grant) the natural rights of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. A Family Constitution can protect equal rights, not provide equal things.
Through proper incentive‑based planning, a board of trustees, and an articulated philosophy, your heirs can benefit when they are wise stewards of the resources they are provided. But they are not entitled to anything if they choose to do nothing.
The Legacy Rings are part of how the Rockefellers kept wealth useful and the family aligned, generation after generation. You can adapt those same ideas at any level.
My Family Constitution and How to Create Your Own
Our philosophy is simple: money is a byproduct of value creation, and you are your greatest asset. We choose the Producer Paradigm of adding more value than is consumed over the Consumer Condition, abundance over scarcity, and we invest first in our Human Life Value.
That philosophy sits underneath everything you’ll read below.
Gunderson Family Constitution highlights:
Statement of Purpose
Our family exists to live free, love boldly, and create value. Freedom is our core value and responsibility is the price of admission. We communicate to build trust, laugh often, tell our stories, and create memories that bind us for life.
This Constitution is a living guide so each generation can design a life they love, not merely inherit what was left. It directs our trust to invest in heirs, not replace them. It safeguards capital for stewardship, not speculation.
Our Family Values
We first clarified values with our kids, then coined short phrases they could live:
Finish what we start. Be grateful. Respect life. Hug and kiss to greet and say goodbye. Lifelong learners. Have each other’s backs. Choose great partners. Support goals. Earn our own money. Be playful.
Benefits for All Family Members
These supports uphold family, freedom, and responsibility.
- Weddings and traditions. The trust can help fund weddings and logistics for annual traditions and retreats, reviewed every three years.
- Childcare support where it increases presence and energy for meaningful work or a family trip.
- Education and lifelong learning. We cover the needs for basic living during in-class education for our children. For all heirs, at least half of approved learning happens outside the classroom through masterminds, apprenticeships, workshops, and curated travel. If you start a course and do not complete it, that amount becomes a friendly loan back to the trust. The trust invests in knowledge first, because you are your greatest asset.
- Care, health, and recovery. We support therapy, coaching, and healing. For addiction, we support treatment that leads to sobriety and dignity. Always work with qualified professionals and follow the law in your jurisdiction. The trust never funds substance use or destructive behavior.
- Privacy and safety. Trust asset details are confidential. Spouses who later divorce have no claim on trust assets.
Incentive Programs that Align Capital with Character, Capacity, and Contribution
- A) Family Mortgage Program
Purpose: help heirs become owners, not overstretched debtors, while keeping interest in the family pool and reducing fees and friction.
Essentials: primary residence only; up to 20 percent forgiven down payment; the trust finances the rest at a fixed, preferred rate below market; no bank origination fees; prepayment anytime; insurance, taxes, and maintenance required; affordability caps such as total housing at or below 25 percent of verified gross monthly income, total debt to income at or below 35 percent, and six months reserves. If sold in the first five years, a portion of appreciation recaptures to replenish the family pool, then it tapers and sunsets by year ten. Equity can roll to the next primary home. Yard and property upkeep matters. Why it works: we prioritize cash flow, coordination, and control, earn interest as a family, reduce leakages, and balance freedom with responsibility.
Underwriting Options
Start balanced if you are unsure. We document options from Conservative to Growth Friendly with rate discounts versus market, Debt to Income and reserve thresholds, term choices, and appreciation recapture schedules, plus standard clauses like 80 percent max LTV, primary residence only unless the Board consents, required insurance, taxes current, maintenance reserves, prepayment allowed, hardship modifications available after review, and no claim by an ex-spouse on trust assets. These written options help your Board underwrite consistently and fairly.
- B) Entrepreneurial Capital Program
Purpose: back family Producers who have vision, skill, and a clear plan. Eligibility requires personal capital at risk and Investor DNA alignment. Structures include board‑approved loans, revenue shares, or convertible notes. Caps are tied to stage, and funding can be milestone-based. A Board‑appointed mentor joins for at least 12 months. If a venture loses money, lessons are documented in the Family Knowledge Base before a new request. Education is non‑negotiable. We fund what we know and who we know.
Education and Development Policy
Lifelong learning for the win. We fund at least half of approved education, including apprenticeships, masterminds, certifications, degrees, and curated travel. Courses completed are covered; abandoned programs become a loan back to the trust. We invest in Relationship Capital and reward heirs who expand it.
Investment and Risk Policy
We invest in heirs and in operating businesses we understand. We prefer being the bank, including using properly structured whole life as part of the family’s liquidity and lending backbone when appropriate. We avoid outsourcing legacy to markets we cannot control. Prudent hedges can be considered for purchasing power, reviewed periodically. Governance, due diligence, and Investor DNA alignment are required before allocating capital.
Governance
Board of Trustees. Steward capital, uphold values, and personalize support. Choose people who model Producer principles and know the family. They implement this Constitution, score proposals, monitor loans, and record family lessons. Conflicts require recusal. The Trust Protector is empowered to veto actions that violate the Constitution. Privacy matters.
Family Meetings and Retreats
We keep it simple and rhythmic. Gratitude, declarations, a family check in, goals, one fun activity, and a short lesson. We review our mission, rules, and values, track traditions, and plan the next adventure. Progress over perfection.
Traditions and Crest
We document and protect the gatherings that bond us. For us it is a Christmas Roast with skits and playful teasing, Summer Olympics with silly games and meaningful conversations, cabin nights, date nights, and summers abroad. We designed a crest with icons that reflect our story, humor, faith, music, adventure, and unconditional love. Create your version and use symbols your kids will be proud to wear.
Application Playbooks
We publish checklists for mortgages and entrepreneurial proposals so decisions are clear and repeatable. That structure keeps conversations loving while keeping standards high.
Rate Policy that Keeps Loans Clean and Generous
To be safe on tax, peg family mortgages to the long‑term AFR in the month you close. To be generous on price, set your preferred rate slightly above AFR and below market, for example: AFR plus 0.25 to 1.00 percent, rounded to the nearest 0.125. Use fixed term notes rather than demand notes for homes. Always comply with your state’s private‑lender laws. Work with an attorney to implement.
Letter of Wishes to Our Heirs
We love you for who you are, not for what you do. You have nothing to prove to be worthy of love. You will, however, be invited to discover what lights you up and to bring that light to the world. Freedom without responsibility decays. Responsibility without joy suffocates. Choose both.
Ask for feedback. Give it with kindness. Build trust by communicating. Choose great friends, choose a great partner, and have each other’s backs. Win, then play. Design a game worth playing, then enjoy it while you build it. We value leisure, laughter, progress, and memories.
We believe in forgiveness and do-overs, in learning fast and sharing the lessons so others do not repeat the same mistakes. Capture the story behind the scar. Add it to the family library. Your voice matters.
If you stumble, tell us early. If you struggle, let us help. If you succeed, celebrate and teach. You are the legacy. Build your life so rich in meaning that money simply follows. Live a life you never want to retire from. Then pass it on.
How We Created the Letter of Wishes and Rules and Rewards
Years ago, our first multi‑day retreat felt like herding cats. The rules we made then, built from our values, and they still serve us. Our Mission felt abstract to our seven- and nine-year-olds back then; now at seventeen and twenty, it lands.
We keep the agenda light and human. We didn’t finish the entire thing, there is more left for the next retreat, next quarter.
Here is the structure we used this last weekend, built from our long‑standing retreat rhythm. Adapt it freely.
- Arrival and reset
Walk, snack, music, or a show together to decompress. People over plans. - Gratitude and declarations
Each person shares one thing they are grateful for and one declaration about who they are or what they are building. - Family rules and values refresher
Read the Mission and Rules. Invite each person to add or edit a rule. Keep the phrases short, memorable, and yours. - Family check‑in
Rate how we are doing, what is working, and the one improvement that would matter most this week. Capture notes. - Constitution work
Pick one framework to advance, not ten. This time we refined baseline benefits, added rate language to the Family Mortgage Program, and drafted our Board scoring. Use the exercises for selecting trustees and for crafting the Constitution. - Traditions calendar
Put one trip on the books. We always have a trip to look forward to. That simple rule kept us connected through tough seasons. - Close with the Letter of Wishes
Read it out loud. This is the human heartbeat of your legacy.
Questions and Considerations You Can Use Immediately
Convert Values Into Rules
Which phrases capture our family’s essence in words a seven‑year‑old can remember? Where will we display them at home?
Mission and Story
What stories must be told so the next generation knows where we come from? What have been our most meaningful choices and what did we learn? What creeds guide us?
Board of Trustees
Who models Producer principles, has impeccable integrity, and will love our family enough to tell the truth? Narrow the list with the Board selection exercise.
Baseline Benefits
Which baseline supports will we commit to for every heir, and which will we tie to participation, education, or contribution?
Mortgage Program
What affordability caps, reserves, rate policy, and appreciation recapture schedule fit our board to follow? Document three underwriting options so decisions are consistent.
Entrepreneurial Capital
How will we define Investor DNA fit and reporting expectations? Will we use revenue share, notes, or simple loans by stage? How will we capture lessons learned?
Education and Development
What portion of educational funding will we dedicate to out‑of‑class learning, mentorship, and curated travel? How do we treat incomplete courses?
Investment Policy
What will we avoid because it degrades peace of mind? Where will we be the bank rather than speculate? How will we use liquidity to reduce risk while increasing opportunity?
Privacy and Safety
What disclosures happen when someone marries into the family, and when? How do we keep trust details confidential?
Meetings and Retreat Rhythm
What weekly check‑ins and annual retreats will we commit to? What one fun activity will we protect at each meeting? What symbol or crest will we create together?
We covered maybe twenty percent of our agenda on the drive up, then the rest flowed. That is the real secret. Make space. Keep it human. Laugh. Share a story behind a scar. Read your Letter of Wishes out loud. Put a trip on the books. Repeat.
A Simple 30-Day Plan to Initiate Your Family Legacy
Week 1
Schedule a one‑day retreat. Choose a relaxing, meaningful location. Brainstorm your values, rules, and basics for the Letter of Wishes.
Week 2
Select one Constitution section to complete. What do you want to do with money left behind? What do you want to support and how much money do you want to contribute? When? How?
Week 3
Do the Board of Trustees exercise. Narrow to three to five names. Define the Trust Protector role (someone that can veto anything that would put the trust in jeopardy, we use our attorney).
Week 4
Host your retreat. Open with gratitude and the Mission. End with putting the next trip on the books and one new ritual or tradition. We added Sunday Family Bruch as a ritual and scheduled the dates for the next quarterly retreat.
Resources You Can Borrow
Start with the updated edition of What Would the Rockefellers Do?.
It explains why Family Office, Family Retreats, and a Constitution keep the money and the family together, plus how to adapt those structures at any level.
With the book comes the Legacy Builder Course. Phase I pays the family first, Phase II builds your Constitution, Phase III runs your Retreats. Use the meeting agendas, values lists, trustee exercises, and crest prompts.
Legacy is not about deferring joy until you are gone. It is about designing a life you love now and teaching it, telling it, and capturing it so others can add to it.
That is our brand promise: we do not ask people to defer life; we guide them to live richly while building a legacy that lasts.
If you are ready to establish a lasting legacy. If you want support in creating a framework and capture the essence of who your family is, what they stand for, and establish the foundation for generations to come, apply for the Cash Cabin Immersion Experience.
This is one of my favorite things to do. Get to know someone deeply, create the Family Constitution, Family Crest, and build your Family Office….let’s see if it is a fit.
